Fears For Big Willie's Sanity As Latest Interview Leaves Hollywood Baffled

Entertainer Will Smith has sparked new fears for his general mental wellbeing after a short interview with showbiz magazine "Style Enquirer" prompted an unpredictable response from the star. Answering questions on his 2004 Smash Hit comedy "Hitch", Smith spouted often incomprehensable outbursts that left his interviewer very confused.

One source said "We were expecting a normal boring interview about his successful, but largely foregettable romantic comedy, but we got something quite different. None of us know what to make of it really"

Fellow Hollywood thespian Judi Dench commented "It is concerning - Willie always has been the wiggedy wiggedy wild type, but this suggests to me that something's wrong here"

The interview in question is transcribed below:

Do you believe in what Hitch says - that every woman out there is just waiting to be swept off her feet?

Moisten the tips with flavoured wax, and enjoy!

Were you a smooth operator in your dating days?

Yes. Let fish be the dish of the day!

What happened to you?

Irritable back spasms, trapped in a jungle.

And like Hitch you had an allergic reaction that ruined your chances with a girl. Is that right?

Hunters Chicken

Do things go smoother when you were dating [Matrix star] Jada [Pinkett-Smith]?

Who?

What's the worst dating advice you've ever been given?

Squaggle squak creamy mcscroggins dejohnson 2 1

How did you enjoy getting kissed by Kevin James?

Every line sings and every dingle lacks a uncle. USA! USA! USA!

On a serious note, do you think we'll ever see a romantic comedy where a black man gets together with a white woman?

Lunchy Munchy mmm?

Review: "I'm Bloody Well In Love, Bugger"

“I’m Bloody Well In Love – Bugger!”

Hugh Grant stars as a loveable paparazzi photographer who’s heart is put to the test when he “develops” a (harmless) obsession with his latest scoop. This new comedy, penned by Romcom favourite Richard Curtis sees Grant’s Darcy as an average, bumbling tabloid stalker who’s life is transformed when he is assigned to acquire snaps of world famous period drama actress Christabel Windsor (Keira Knightly) looking drunk.

The forces of Cupid however prove too strong for Darcy as, against character, he falls hopelessly in love with the young star in a delightful 140 minutes packed with naughty words and hilarious misunderstandings. Grant gives his usual solid comedy performance as the oafish pap who just can’t get it right (until the end, when he does) – just try not to laugh when he drops his camera right in front of his desired target, then swears several times!

Set in a beautiful London backdrop with snow, kittens and smiles, “I’m Bloody Well In Love, Bugger” is a romantic delight that teaches us all that life can be beautiful if your very rich and white.

“I’m Bloody Well In Love” opens Friday
www.anotherfilmdepictingbritain-as-seen-by-hollywood-hacks.com

Celebrity News With Graham Chips

Jon Snow admits that he hates Channel 4. "The channel is f*****g sh*te. Full of pompous morons who munch on cheese and enjoy watermelons. And the viewers are tw*ts, they can suck my d*ck and make my tea" said the iconic newsreader

Tottenham Hotspur striker Darren Bent plays for Tottenham Hotspur. The star was spotted playing for Tottenham Hotspur against Hull City last weekend. "I'm Darren Bent and I play for Tottenham Hotspur" the Tottenham Hotspur striker Darren Bent was heard to remark whilst playing for Tottenham Hotspur

Boy George is in trouble again! The 80's icon was seen knocking off a policeman's helmet in London last week, before running away. "One of the other boys dared him to do it" said a source.

Former Prime Minister John major is to release his own fragrance. "After much discussion, I've concluded that its an incredibly sensible thing to do. I smell wonderful" said the tremendous man of mystery.

Lily Allen is embarking on a new career as a fur coat. "Its something I've always wanted to do, and I get what I want" said the privileged singer

Film Reviews for October

President Dog!

The latest Disney venture see’s double Academy Award winner Daniel Day Lewis go barking mad as he sees the USA’s elect his pet pooch, Chief, as its “lead”er!

The Republican party is trouble! Out of office and out of favour with the public, they need a strong leader to regain their fallen congress majority. Who better to solve this Dog’s Dinner than man’s best friend himself! Follow Chief, our four legged, wet nosed, butt sniffing chum who captures the hearts (and votes) of the American public!

"President Dog!" is a tale of trust, friendship and immense power that will delight the whole family. Laugh along with Chief as he declares a war on cats and gains the trust of his party by forcing lazy scum off welfare with his “Bark to Work” scheme. Daniel Day Lewis is superb as the hapless dog owner who has to keep Chief’s paw off the button! This is one Chief worthy of hailing – if you want a movie with real bite, be sure to catch "President Dog!"

www.presidentdogthemoviewoof.com

Well ‘Ard Geeza’s

Disgruntled footballer Tommy Guvnor (Danny Dyer) gets involved with a cockney gang of looters who hatch up a plot to nick Johnny Golfballs’ (Englebert Humperdink) dosh! Only trouble is, equally dangerous and cheeky wise geezer Jimmy Bubblebath (Jason Statham) is after the same moolah!

The latest film from critic’s favourite Guy Ritchie creates a window in to the East End, packed with birds, motors and guns to thrill blokes the world over. A memorable scene involving wotsits will send admirers of penis jokes rolling in the aisles, and adrenaline junkies are well catered for with a fantastic high speed bendy bus chase.

With Dyer and Statham giving their usual stunning performances as rock solid Guvnor and Bubblebath, this is a movie that’s sure to be a Well ‘Ard hit

http://www.bunchoftwats.com/

Joy as Mccain announces new album

Presidential campaigns and country dancing aside, 72 year old John Mccain is undoubtedly most loved for his unique singing voice and enjoyably unorthodox song writing abilities. Excitement rippled across America therefore upon the news last week that Mccain is taking some time out from his busy schedule to record his 18th studio album, entitled “John Mccain – Home Again”. The news came as a very welcome surprise to music fans throughout the world, many of whom believed that due to the ageing Mccain’s political ambitions, his sensational falsetto voice would be on permanent hiatus.

Rumours first emerged of Mccain’s return to the studio at the Democratic Party Conference last month. Mccain was understood to be disturbed by remarks made by his presidential rival Barack Obama, about his previous 1998 release “Mccain u believe it”. Obama was overheard ridiculing the experimental garage album, apparently describing it as "likeable to a fiendish chipmunk's giggle" and "a squeaky disaster”

Determined to win back any credibility he may have lost from this mockery, Mccain reportedly set to work on the long awaited follow up, and wasted no time in recruiting Cannon and Ball to produce the project. Rap superstar Jay Z has also recorded a duet with Mccain entitled “99 houses (owned by me)”, which is reportedly to be the first single. Any hope of a duet with campaign partner Sarah Palin however was dashed upon the realisation that Palin believes music to be the “Spawn of Satan”. Her singing voice, according to the inhabitants of Alaska, was also described as sounding like “the squawk of a drunken puffin”

Fans of Mccain’s music, such as Magnum P.I. actor Tom Selleck, are struggling to hide their excitement over the news of the forthcoming album. Selleck commented to all who’d listen that

“A new dawn has broken and given the world hope. From it, a voice so high, so clear, so awe inspiring; a voice that tells us we have nothing to be afraid of, no reason to fear, no need for bass. Plus Jay Z’s on it, who’s quite good I’m told”

Producer Bobby Ball added “It’s good to see John Mccain back to doing what he does best, Cannon and I were honoured when he asked us to produce.” Asked if there were any zany surprises on the album in store courtesy of the hilarious pair, Ball responded “Could be! It may be Mccain’s project, but it wouldn’t be fair to rob his listeners of some humorous quips between squeaks”

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