The BBC last night found themselves bombarded with a record number of viewer complaints over hurtful and damaging comments uttered by the host of a live broadcast of Newsnight review. 6.7 million complaints were received from angry viewers in just under 3 hours after regular presenter Mark Lawson was heard to sum up the Smash Hit Abba based musical feature “Mamma Mia” as “poor” on Friday Night’s edition of the programme. Thousands of fans of the movie that became the fastest selling DVD in British history lined the streets outside television centre as soon as 10 minutes after the transmission, many burning models and pictures of the 47 year presenter in protest.
“These ignorant comments are just another example of the BBC’s quest to pervert the minds of our nation’s people.” said Deborah Pog, leader of the pressure group “Whinge Alliance” and stern supporter of Mamma Mia.
“After the appalling misconduct displayed by the BBC during the Brand-Ross-Sachs scandel, I’m sickened that such awful lies about a wonderful film were allowed to be broadcast. Shame on you BBC, shame on you!”
The controversy adds to the long list of scandals that have plagued the BBC throughout 2008, and an apology from director Mark Thompson was released in the early hours of the morning
“It has come to my attention that one of our senior presenters has angered many of you with his scathing criticism of an art form that has formed a strong bond in all our hearts. The BBC would like to apologise sincerely for these offensive remarks and categorically state that they are in no way representative of the organisation’s feeling towards Mamma Mia. I would like to assure all our viewers that we consider the comments completely unacceptable and will penalize Mark Lawson to the full extent of our power”
As chants of “Hang Lawson” echoed around television centre from the restless crowd, many of whom dressed as their favourite members of Abba, BBC executives arranged an emergency meeting with Lawson in attendance. His fate is due to be revealed later on this evening based on the results of a public phone in poll, with current polls showing a 66% approval of execution. If this was to reflect the final result, Lawson will be the first BBC presenter to be destroyed since Toby Anstis’ scathing comments about the Dido album “White Flag” six years ago.
BBC 2 in the mean time have attempted to quell the public’s thirst for blood by showing a non stop live interview with one of the star’s of Mamma Mia, Julie Walters that will continue until further announcements. At the time going to press Walters, 52, is in her ninth hour answering questions over the making of the world’s greatest film.
Thursday, 29 January 2009
Friday, 5 December 2008
Fears For Big Willie's Sanity As Latest Interview Leaves Hollywood Baffled
Entertainer Will Smith has sparked new fears for his general mental wellbeing after a short interview with showbiz magazine "Style Enquirer" prompted an unpredictable response from the star. Answering questions on his 2004 Smash Hit comedy "Hitch", Smith spouted often incomprehensable outbursts that left his interviewer very confused.
One source said "We were expecting a normal boring interview about his successful, but largely foregettable romantic comedy, but we got something quite different. None of us know what to make of it really"
Fellow Hollywood thespian Judi Dench commented "It is concerning - Willie always has been the wiggedy wiggedy wild type, but this suggests to me that something's wrong here"
The interview in question is transcribed below:
Do you believe in what Hitch says - that every woman out there is just waiting to be swept off her feet?
Moisten the tips with flavoured wax, and enjoy!
Were you a smooth operator in your dating days?
Yes. Let fish be the dish of the day!
What happened to you?
Irritable back spasms, trapped in a jungle.
And like Hitch you had an allergic reaction that ruined your chances with a girl. Is that right?
Hunters Chicken
Do things go smoother when you were dating [Matrix star] Jada [Pinkett-Smith]?
Who?
What's the worst dating advice you've ever been given?
Squaggle squak creamy mcscroggins dejohnson 2 1
How did you enjoy getting kissed by Kevin James?
Every line sings and every dingle lacks a uncle. USA! USA! USA!
On a serious note, do you think we'll ever see a romantic comedy where a black man gets together with a white woman?
Lunchy Munchy mmm?
One source said "We were expecting a normal boring interview about his successful, but largely foregettable romantic comedy, but we got something quite different. None of us know what to make of it really"
Fellow Hollywood thespian Judi Dench commented "It is concerning - Willie always has been the wiggedy wiggedy wild type, but this suggests to me that something's wrong here"
The interview in question is transcribed below:
Do you believe in what Hitch says - that every woman out there is just waiting to be swept off her feet?
Moisten the tips with flavoured wax, and enjoy!
Were you a smooth operator in your dating days?
Yes. Let fish be the dish of the day!
What happened to you?
Irritable back spasms, trapped in a jungle.
And like Hitch you had an allergic reaction that ruined your chances with a girl. Is that right?
Hunters Chicken
Do things go smoother when you were dating [Matrix star] Jada [Pinkett-Smith]?
Who?
What's the worst dating advice you've ever been given?
Squaggle squak creamy mcscroggins dejohnson 2 1
How did you enjoy getting kissed by Kevin James?
Every line sings and every dingle lacks a uncle. USA! USA! USA!
On a serious note, do you think we'll ever see a romantic comedy where a black man gets together with a white woman?
Lunchy Munchy mmm?
Wednesday, 3 December 2008
Review: "I'm Bloody Well In Love, Bugger"
“I’m Bloody Well In Love – Bugger!”
Hugh Grant stars as a loveable paparazzi photographer who’s heart is put to the test when he “develops” a (harmless) obsession with his latest scoop. This new comedy, penned by Romcom favourite Richard Curtis sees Grant’s Darcy as an average, bumbling tabloid stalker who’s life is transformed when he is assigned to acquire snaps of world famous period drama actress Christabel Windsor (Keira Knightly) looking drunk.
The forces of Cupid however prove too strong for Darcy as, against character, he falls hopelessly in love with the young star in a delightful 140 minutes packed with naughty words and hilarious misunderstandings. Grant gives his usual solid comedy performance as the oafish pap who just can’t get it right (until the end, when he does) – just try not to laugh when he drops his camera right in front of his desired target, then swears several times!
Set in a beautiful London backdrop with snow, kittens and smiles, “I’m Bloody Well In Love, Bugger” is a romantic delight that teaches us all that life can be beautiful if your very rich and white.
“I’m Bloody Well In Love” opens Friday
www.anotherfilmdepictingbritain-as-seen-by-hollywood-hacks.com
Hugh Grant stars as a loveable paparazzi photographer who’s heart is put to the test when he “develops” a (harmless) obsession with his latest scoop. This new comedy, penned by Romcom favourite Richard Curtis sees Grant’s Darcy as an average, bumbling tabloid stalker who’s life is transformed when he is assigned to acquire snaps of world famous period drama actress Christabel Windsor (Keira Knightly) looking drunk.
The forces of Cupid however prove too strong for Darcy as, against character, he falls hopelessly in love with the young star in a delightful 140 minutes packed with naughty words and hilarious misunderstandings. Grant gives his usual solid comedy performance as the oafish pap who just can’t get it right (until the end, when he does) – just try not to laugh when he drops his camera right in front of his desired target, then swears several times!
Set in a beautiful London backdrop with snow, kittens and smiles, “I’m Bloody Well In Love, Bugger” is a romantic delight that teaches us all that life can be beautiful if your very rich and white.
“I’m Bloody Well In Love” opens Friday
www.anotherfilmdepictingbritain-as-seen-by-hollywood-hacks.com
Friday, 10 October 2008
Celebrity News With Graham Chips
Jon Snow admits that he hates Channel 4. "The channel is f*****g sh*te. Full of pompous morons who munch on cheese and enjoy watermelons. And the viewers are tw*ts, they can suck my d*ck and make my tea" said the iconic newsreader
Tottenham Hotspur striker Darren Bent plays for Tottenham Hotspur. The star was spotted playing for Tottenham Hotspur against Hull City last weekend. "I'm Darren Bent and I play for Tottenham Hotspur" the Tottenham Hotspur striker Darren Bent was heard to remark whilst playing for Tottenham Hotspur
Boy George is in trouble again! The 80's icon was seen knocking off a policeman's helmet in London last week, before running away. "One of the other boys dared him to do it" said a source.
Former Prime Minister John major is to release his own fragrance. "After much discussion, I've concluded that its an incredibly sensible thing to do. I smell wonderful" said the tremendous man of mystery.
Lily Allen is embarking on a new career as a fur coat. "Its something I've always wanted to do, and I get what I want" said the privileged singer
Tottenham Hotspur striker Darren Bent plays for Tottenham Hotspur. The star was spotted playing for Tottenham Hotspur against Hull City last weekend. "I'm Darren Bent and I play for Tottenham Hotspur" the Tottenham Hotspur striker Darren Bent was heard to remark whilst playing for Tottenham Hotspur
Boy George is in trouble again! The 80's icon was seen knocking off a policeman's helmet in London last week, before running away. "One of the other boys dared him to do it" said a source.
Former Prime Minister John major is to release his own fragrance. "After much discussion, I've concluded that its an incredibly sensible thing to do. I smell wonderful" said the tremendous man of mystery.
Lily Allen is embarking on a new career as a fur coat. "Its something I've always wanted to do, and I get what I want" said the privileged singer
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
Film Reviews for October
President Dog!
The latest Disney venture see’s double Academy Award winner Daniel Day Lewis go barking mad as he sees the USA’s elect his pet pooch, Chief, as its “lead”er!
The Republican party is trouble! Out of office and out of favour with the public, they need a strong leader to regain their fallen congress majority. Who better to solve this Dog’s Dinner than man’s best friend himself! Follow Chief, our four legged, wet nosed, butt sniffing chum who captures the hearts (and votes) of the American public!
"President Dog!" is a tale of trust, friendship and immense power that will delight the whole family. Laugh along with Chief as he declares a war on cats and gains the trust of his party by forcing lazy scum off welfare with his “Bark to Work” scheme. Daniel Day Lewis is superb as the hapless dog owner who has to keep Chief’s paw off the button! This is one Chief worthy of hailing – if you want a movie with real bite, be sure to catch "President Dog!"
Well ‘Ard Geeza’s
Disgruntled footballer Tommy Guvnor (Danny Dyer) gets involved with a cockney gang of looters who hatch up a plot to nick Johnny Golfballs’ (Englebert Humperdink) dosh! Only trouble is, equally dangerous and cheeky wise geezer Jimmy Bubblebath (Jason Statham) is after the same moolah!
The latest film from critic’s favourite Guy Ritchie creates a window in to the East End, packed with birds, motors and guns to thrill blokes the world over. A memorable scene involving wotsits will send admirers of penis jokes rolling in the aisles, and adrenaline junkies are well catered for with a fantastic high speed bendy bus chase.
With Dyer and Statham giving their usual stunning performances as rock solid Guvnor and Bubblebath, this is a movie that’s sure to be a Well ‘Ard hit
Friday, 26 September 2008
Joy as Mccain announces new album
Presidential campaigns and country dancing aside, 72 year old John Mccain is undoubtedly most loved for his unique singing voice and enjoyably unorthodox song writing abilities. Excitement rippled across America therefore upon the news last week that Mccain is taking some time out from his busy schedule to record his 18th studio album, entitled “John Mccain – Home Again”. The news came as a very welcome surprise to music fans throughout the world, many of whom believed that due to the ageing Mccain’s political ambitions, his sensational falsetto voice would be on permanent hiatus.
Rumours first emerged of Mccain’s return to the studio at the Democratic Party Conference last month. Mccain was understood to be disturbed by remarks made by his presidential rival Barack Obama, about his previous 1998 release “Mccain u believe it”. Obama was overheard ridiculing the experimental garage album, apparently describing it as "likeable to a fiendish chipmunk's giggle" and "a squeaky disaster”
Determined to win back any credibility he may have lost from this mockery, Mccain reportedly set to work on the long awaited follow up, and wasted no time in recruiting Cannon and Ball to produce the project. Rap superstar Jay Z has also recorded a duet with Mccain entitled “99 houses (owned by me)”, which is reportedly to be the first single. Any hope of a duet with campaign partner Sarah Palin however was dashed upon the realisation that Palin believes music to be the “Spawn of Satan”. Her singing voice, according to the inhabitants of Alaska, was also described as sounding like “the squawk of a drunken puffin”
Fans of Mccain’s music, such as Magnum P.I. actor Tom Selleck, are struggling to hide their excitement over the news of the forthcoming album. Selleck commented to all who’d listen that
“A new dawn has broken and given the world hope. From it, a voice so high, so clear, so awe inspiring; a voice that tells us we have nothing to be afraid of, no reason to fear, no need for bass. Plus Jay Z’s on it, who’s quite good I’m told”
Producer Bobby Ball added “It’s good to see John Mccain back to doing what he does best, Cannon and I were honoured when he asked us to produce.” Asked if there were any zany surprises on the album in store courtesy of the hilarious pair, Ball responded “Could be! It may be Mccain’s project, but it wouldn’t be fair to rob his listeners of some humorous quips between squeaks”
Rumours first emerged of Mccain’s return to the studio at the Democratic Party Conference last month. Mccain was understood to be disturbed by remarks made by his presidential rival Barack Obama, about his previous 1998 release “Mccain u believe it”. Obama was overheard ridiculing the experimental garage album, apparently describing it as "likeable to a fiendish chipmunk's giggle" and "a squeaky disaster”
Determined to win back any credibility he may have lost from this mockery, Mccain reportedly set to work on the long awaited follow up, and wasted no time in recruiting Cannon and Ball to produce the project. Rap superstar Jay Z has also recorded a duet with Mccain entitled “99 houses (owned by me)”, which is reportedly to be the first single. Any hope of a duet with campaign partner Sarah Palin however was dashed upon the realisation that Palin believes music to be the “Spawn of Satan”. Her singing voice, according to the inhabitants of Alaska, was also described as sounding like “the squawk of a drunken puffin”
Fans of Mccain’s music, such as Magnum P.I. actor Tom Selleck, are struggling to hide their excitement over the news of the forthcoming album. Selleck commented to all who’d listen that
“A new dawn has broken and given the world hope. From it, a voice so high, so clear, so awe inspiring; a voice that tells us we have nothing to be afraid of, no reason to fear, no need for bass. Plus Jay Z’s on it, who’s quite good I’m told”
Producer Bobby Ball added “It’s good to see John Mccain back to doing what he does best, Cannon and I were honoured when he asked us to produce.” Asked if there were any zany surprises on the album in store courtesy of the hilarious pair, Ball responded “Could be! It may be Mccain’s project, but it wouldn’t be fair to rob his listeners of some humorous quips between squeaks”
Tuesday, 26 February 2008
"Meat" Magazine's Fucking Celeb Section...
Celebrities spotted!!!!
This week.......
- Eastender's Star Adam Woodyat serenading a Squirrel in Margate...
- Gossip frontman Beth Ditto selling stylist Gok Wan to Mick Hucknall, as London Mayoral candidate Boris Johnson applauds.
- Tennis star Tim 'Tennis' Henman morris dancing whilst weeping in Trafalger Square
- American Hard cheese Bruce Willis with his head stuck in some park railings in Norwich
- Jeremy Vine laughing at a prostitute
- Dame Helen Mirren repeatedly punching Nelson Mandela as he attempts to stop her from jetting to the moon
- Drugs sensation Richard Bacon and actor Kevin Bacon buying shares in Danish Bacon. Coincidently, neither of them are fond of Bacon
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